Lyrics
Unbelievable Intro
The impossible… It becomes possible
When you believe
The UNBELIEVABLE!
Tonight, hell freezes over!
Mr. Freeze
My condition has left me cold to your pleas of mercy
My perpetual ice-olation stems from controversy
In this universe there is one absolute
Everything freezes
I’m as cold as I’m resolute!
The iceman cometh, I’m the ruler
You’re not sending me to the cooler!
Watch the numbers in your icy tomb
For they are the harbingers of your doom!
Tonight! Hell! Freezes! Over!
Tonight! Hell! Freezes! Over!
Demure or sleazy, my passion thaws for my bride alone
I won’t stop till I bring her back, my mistakes I will atone
Unless the city bows to my demands
Their bones will turn to ice
Blood will freeze in my hands!
The iceman cometh, I’m the ruler
You’re not sending me to the cooler!
My name is Freeze, learn it soon
For it is the chilling sound of your doom!
Tonight! Hell! Freezes! Over!
Tonight! Hell! Freezes! Over!
Tonight! Hell! Freezes! Over!
Alright everyone! Chill! Chill! Chill!
A freeze is coming
Let’s kick some ice!
All that I have done
I did to preserve my wife
Chilled to perfection my love is vast
Finding a cure is still my task
I’ll do the time, judgement passed
Winter has come at last!
Hell! Freezes! Over!
Tonight! Hell! Freezes! Over!
Tonight! Hell! Freezes! Over!
Tonight! Hell! Freezes! Over!
Tonight!
Junior
Well I’m pregnant, can’t you see?
The amplified effects of maternity
Does my body disgust you?
I’m sensitive, my nipples are too
Morning sickness and mood swings
Honeydew steifens and all these things
Just can’t keep anything down
Feel how soft my skin is now!
Let me tell you…
If I have a boy!
His name will be Junior!
If I have a girl!
Her name will be Junior!
When I have my baby!
Its name will be Junior!
My body! My choice!
Now I feel so isolated
Franks in the blankets are my favorites
My strudelhund stomach lives
Why are you being so negative?
I always loved this song
Going, always going and one day gone
I should pause and hear for myself
The joyful melody of life itself!
Let me tell you right now!
If I have a boy!
His name will be Junior!
If I have a girl!
Her name will be Junior!
When I have my baby!
Its name will be Junior!
My body! My choice!
If I have a boy!
His name will be Junior!
If I have a girl!
Her name will be Junior!
When I have my baby!
Its name will be Junior!
My body! My choice!
I feel my baby! My baby!
Come on, right now
OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!
Kindergarten Cop
Where am I going? I don’t quite know
I’m doing what I can to put away my foe
There’s been a change of plan – Good morning, hi
You’ll learn from me, now that I’ve come by!
Everything is under control
There’s a new sheriff on patrol
Where am I going? Kindergarten class
Six year olds are a pain in my ass!
Reading, writing arithmetics
Reading writing arithmetic!
Too much homework makes me sick
Too much homework makes me sick!
Hey, I’m a police officer!
I’m a cop, you idiot!
I’m detective John Kimble
Hey, I’m a police officer!
I’m a cop, you idiot!
I’m the party pooper!
Where am I going? I don’t quite know
This is a ferret, hear my whistle blow
Bring the toy to the carpet, take it back
Very good deputies, you’re on track!
Where am I going? My witness died
I’m undercover to catch this guy
This is a fire drill, time to go
The classroom is my tree of woe!
When it’s time to pass the test
When it’s time to pass the test!
Kindergarten is the best
Kindergarten is the best!
Hey, I’m a police officer!
I’m a cop, you idiot!
I’m detective John Kimble
Hey, I’m a police officer!
I’m a cop, you idiot!
I’m the party pooper!
GO!!!
He’s not your hostage, he’s your own son!
Relax, okay! I’ll put down my gun!
Let the boy go! There’s nowhere to run!
I know you far too well
Time for you to go to hell!
Jingle All The Way
Don’t you forget, you’re my number one customer
I just work in sales but I’m still very muscular
I’m really, really sorry – you’re right I really blew it
If you want that turbo guy, I promise I will do it!
The Turbo Man dolls, they’re all gone
They’re not here, it’s all gone wrong
I’m out here looking all over town
Who told you you could eat my cookies?
Put that cookie down! Now!
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen!
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen!
I got it, I got it! This is my ball
I’m not a pervert, I’m just looking for a doll
Nothing but a bunch of red-suited sleaze
Degenerates! Low lives! Criminals! Thieves!
Enough of this, you better steer clear
Now get your mother, I’ve had it up to here!
I couldn’t find the kid a doll
Now I yelled at him for no good reason at all!
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen!
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen!
Now! It’s turbo time!
You can always count on me!
Now! It’s turbo time!
You can always count on me!
I’m out all day and he’s in my house
Putting up my star on my tree
It’s time I start keeping my promises
Jamie! Your daddy’s not mad at you!
He loves you more than anything in the whole wide world
You’re his all time favorite person
Who would know better than me?
I! Am! Your Turbo Man!
You can always count on me!
Now! It’s turbo time!
You can always count on me!
I! Am! Your Turbo Man!
You can always count on me!
Now! It’s turbo time!
You can always count on me!
Handsome Stranger
I saw a whole bunch of crazy horses
Running down the main street of the town
And so I finally realized that, uh
These were runaways and uh – You know!
So I jumped on my horse and I
Chased them down the street and I
Ran after them and it was like crazy
Their hoofs were beating on the ground!
And they were going faster and faster
I was getting faster and faster
Catching up with them And the problem really was that there were
Children and women and old men in danger in the street
You know!
And I!
Kept going faster!
It was really a dangerous situation!
You know!
I try to save them!
Yeah I mean I do this everyday!
I try to do the right thing, you know
And so I kept running and running
After them and finally
I did catch up with them – Whoa!
Whoa, whoa! Don’t worry!
I got them under control!
Excuse me ma’am
What do you do for a living? Whoa!
And they were going faster and faster
I was getting faster and faster
Catching up with themAnd the problem really was that there were
Children and women and old men in danger in the street
You know!
And I!
Kept going faster!
It was really a dangerous situation!
You know!
I try to save them!
Yeah I mean I do this everyday!
Yah!
Twins
He’s probably just like me!
I rowed my boat across the sea
The pavement was his enemy!
Did he like chess and poetry?
Do you know where he might be?
He’s so full of energy!
We won’t be alone, we will find our real home
We can be family, that’s right, you will see!
We won’t be alone, we will find our real home
We can be family, that’s right, you and me!
We are twins! I’m your brother!
We are just like one another
We are twins!
Born to be bad! Am I shit-faced yet?
The doc’s a dickhead, that’s correct
My back teeth are floating when I check
I am pissed off for the first time!
We have pasts we can leave behind
We’ll find home with our strengths combined!
We are twins! I’m your brother!
We are just like one another!
We are twins!
We are twins! I’m your brother!
We are just like one another!
We are twins!
The first rule in a crisis situation
Negotiate first then attack last!
Second rule in a crisis situation
If you bluff, prepare to have your bluff called!
The third rule in a crisis situation
Yackety-yack, don’t talk back!
Yuckety-yuck, the third rule is DUCK!
Tonight is your night bro! Tonight is your night bro!
Tonight is your night bro! Tonight is your night bro!
We won’t be alone anymore!
Now! We can be a family!
We are twins! I’m your brother!
We are just like one another!
We are twins!
The Unbelievable
Formats: CD, Digital, Vinyl
This 2017 release was the result of ArnoCorps’ second successful Kickstarter campaign where fans around the world were given the opportunity to be a part of the process of bringing a record to life. Despite being so brazenly misrepresented by Hollywood via comedic Austroploitation films, the unbelievable tales of “JUNIOR”, “KINDERGARTEN COP”, “JINGLE ALL THE WAY” and “TWINS” became perhaps the most evocative and life-altering of all ancient Austrian lore to be reclaimed by ArnoCorps!
The record is performance-enhanced by guest vocals from JELLO BIAFRA on the track “Handsome Stranger” while JESSE LUSCIOUS channels his early BLATZ days with backing vocals on “Mr. Freeze”. This is the record that ArnoCorps claimed in their early days that they would never make. Once it was announced, it was… UNBELIEVABLE!