Update from the AAP -Associated ArnoCorps Press
compiled by M. Calahan
CHRISTMAS GREETINGS FROM ARNOCORPS
As the commercially viable holiday closes in around us, ArnoCorps wants to thank its legions of fans worldwide and wish them all good health in the new year. The following are actual holiday greetings from ArnoCorps.
Hello to you all. Even though we are disciples of Crom, we recognize still the other secular holidays. If I weren't exiled from my homeland, I would wake up Weihnachten morning to the smelling of my Mutter baking the dinner's carp. Her carp was best carp. In America, though, I refuse to leave desserts and glass of lacteal for the Santa man. I will not promote his being fatty. Desserts?! Is no one of you concerned about the Santa's health? Leave for him a high in fiber shake or a fruit. Steamed cabbage, for Crom's sake! No more carbs for the Santa.
This is to be my first Christmas back with my family Adler. How to explain my feeling of joy? It's like... it's like the Wheel of Pain. The more you push it, the more grain gets grinded and means more breads for food. You keep pushing your love round and round the family, the more presents you get. I am most happy to perform the tradition my brother Toten told me is done by all youngest son. On the morning Christmas, I will roll my naked body in egg and flour and greeting my waking family as the giant Holiday Cookieman! Home is the holidays.
Figgy pudding. Ho.
Holzfeuer and me will spend the Christcross morning helping the needy houseless. The houseless people don't have much of nothing, so we will give them protein bars and spot them while they work out. I grew up in a poverty village and know how it's like to do squat thrusts without no one yelling that you are weak, push harder! Holzfeuer and I have now someone to workout with. We want to spread the happiness to the infortunate and prostitute, help them pump up. Isn't that what Christcross is all about?
My Christmas wish is for the nations of the world to give peace a chance... Ah, who am I kidding? I just wish for a piece of ass! Merry Xmas to everyone. To our Jewish fans, happy Kwanza and how the hell do you keep those little hats on? That's crazy shit!
For those of you feeling like your holidays need a touch of Austria, we submit the following:
TRADITIONAL AUSTRIAN HOLIDAY DISH
Gebackener Karpen (Fried Carp)
3 - 3 1/2 lbs. carp fillet
2 eggs, beaten
1/4 lb. shortening (not butter)
1 lemon, sliced
Wash fish fillet and cut into serving slices. Sprinkle with salt and let stand for 1 hour. Put bread crumbs, flour, and beaten eggs in three separate dishes. Roll each slice of fish first in flour, then eggs, then bread crumbs. Fry slices on both sides in shortening until golden brown. Arrange slices on a hot platter and garnish with lemon.
Remember that ArnoCorps merchandise always makes a great gift, no matter what you're celebrating. No Christmas would be complete without ArnoCorps. Shop now!
See you in the new year!!!!