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506 Ring Circus

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The Casualties Of Rock

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Adler Lawsuit Begins Next Week

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Burnt Ramen Reduced to Ashes

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Gilman Crowd Conquered









09.18.02
Update from the AAP -Associated ArnoCorps Press
compiled by M. Calahan

ADLER LAWSUIT BEGINS NEXT WEEK
Beginning September 23, 2002, ArnoCorps bassist Toten Adler will appear in a SF courtroom to begin proceedings in a civil law suit. Members of the legendary East Bay band The Weasel Behinds are suing their original bass player, Mr. Adler, for copyright infringements, claiming that Adler is no longer entitled to bear the logo of the band, as he has been discharged from the group for several years. Unfortunately, the logo (a big-eyed weasel with an enormous back side) had been permanently tattooed to Adler's shoulder blade at the band's incarnation. Prosecutors want the court to order Adler to have a plastic surgeon remove the tattoo. "I can't afford that crap," Adler commented to this reporter. "I offered to take it off with a cheese grater, but their pussy lawyers got nauseous at the idea. What the fuck do they want from me?"

When asked if the band members that brought the charges would consider contributing to the costly laser surgery, prosecuting attorney Daniel Mayhew replied, "All the money the band ever made was done so after they rid themselves of this sociopath. They were never able to even complete a gig when Mr. Adler was in the band. By the third or fourth song, he would have gone mad and already have destroyed a good portion of the equipment. If anything, Mr. Adler should thank his lucky stars for ever being part of such a talented group of young men."

Reiterating the question whether the band would pay the medical bills, Mr. Mayhew added, "Oh. Not really, no."

Adler, well-known for his nonconformist style of living, insists on representing himself. "I've seen like 15 episodes of Perry Mason. If that fat queen can do it, so can I."

When asked what his main argument will be, Adler commented, "What makes them think the tattoo's about their stupid band. It's just a weasel with a big ass. Come on."

The trial is expected to last several weeks.

THE SMELL OF STALE DEATH
Stemming from complaints made by club owners regarding the stale smell left behind by guitarist Inzo, this reporter's curiosity was jolted. Asked to describe the smell, Alan Kenne, owner of Bay Area club {omitted}, answered, "It was like my grandmother's closet."

When asked why he ever had reason to smell his grandmother's closet, Mr. Kenne answered, "Like you haven't. Don't act so pious."

Another club owner, who wished to remain unnamed, described the smell as "...the air that creeps into your nostrils after its been released from a cedar chest opened after many decades."

Not only were these observations made by people outside of ArnoCorps, but from those within the group itself. One member, who also wished to remain anonymous, said in confidence, "Since I've joined the group as guitarist, I've had to spend a lot of time with Inzo, learning the ArnoChords and what not, and I've noticed that I get kinda creeped out whenever I'm alone with an article of Inzo's clothing. The two of us were practicing in his room one night and when he left to make a sandwich, I felt like someone else was still in the room, watching me with cold, dead eyes. I don't know what it is, man, but I always get chills."

Inzo, when asked about the claims, grunted twice before turning his back on the question and walking away.

 
Wheel Of Pain Push-Ups

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