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June 2012
Olympians NOT Barred From ArnoCorps UK Tour

May 2009
ArnoCorps Signs With Vulcan Sky Records

January 2008
A Wolf in Der Wölf's Clothing

October 2007
Terminated? Copyright Battle

January 2007
Hollywood Invasion

November 2006
Return to San Frantastic

April 2006
UK Tour

January 2006
Pumping in the New Year

October 2005
Museum Plans Unveiled

July 2005
Scratch and Sniffle

May 2005
2nd Annual World's Deadliest Bands

February 2005
Homeward Bound

June 2004
Learned and Shirley

March 2004
Hasta la vista, Halstucha?

January 2004
Austrians vs. Hollywood

December 2003
2003 Holiday Greetings from ArnoCorps!

November 2003
Homecoming King?

October 2003
ArnoCorps Responds to Recall Results

September 2003
Adler Smeared

August 2003
506 Ring Circus

June 2003
Charges Filed Against Toten Adler... Again

April 2003
ArnoCorps To Get Warped

March 2003
The Casualties Of Rock

February 2003
Homeland Security Investigation

December 2002
Christmas Greetings From ArnoCorps

October 2002
Courtroom Becomes Legal Circus

September 2002
Adler Lawsuit Begins Next Week

February 2001
Burnt Ramen Reduced to Ashes

January 2001
Gilman Crowd Conquered

Update from the AAP -Associated ArnoCorps Press
compiled by M. Calahan

As the commercially viable holiday closes in around us, ArnoCorps wants to thank its legions of fans worldwide and wish them all good health in the new year. The following are actual holiday greetings from ArnoCorps.

Hello to you all. Even though we are disciples of Crom, we recognize still the other secular holidays. If I weren't exiled from my homeland, I would wake up Weihnachten morning to the smelling of my Mutter baking the dinner's carp. Her carp was best carp. In America, though, I refuse to leave desserts and glass of lacteal for the Santa man. I will not promote his being fatty. Desserts?! Is no one of you concerned about the Santa's health? Leave for him a high in fiber shake or a fruit. Steamed cabbage, for Crom's sake! No more carbs for the Santa.

Gellend Adler:
This is to be my first Christmas back with my family Adler. How to explain my feeling of joy? It's like... it's like the Wheel of Pain. The more you push it, the more grain gets grinded and means more breads for food. You keep pushing your love round and round the family, the more presents you get. I am most happy to perform the tradition my brother Toten told me is done by all youngest son. On the morning Christmas, I will roll my naked body in egg and flour and greeting my waking family as the giant Holiday Cookieman! Home is the holidays.

Figgy pudding. Ho.

Holzfeuer and me will spend the Christcross morning helping the needy houseless. The houseless people don't have much of nothing, so we will give them protein bars and spot them while they work out. I grew up in a poverty village and know how it's like to do squat thrusts without no one yelling that you are weak, push harder! Holzfeuer and I have now someone to workout with. We want to spread the happiness to the infortunate and prostitute, help them pump up. Isn't that what Christcross is all about?

Toten Adler:
My Christmas wish is for the nations of the world to give peace a chance... Ah, who am I kidding? I just wish for a piece of ass! Merry Xmas to everyone. To our Jewish fans, happy Kwanza and how the hell do you keep those little hats on? That's crazy shit!

For those of you feeling like your holidays need a touch of Austria, we submit the following:

Gebackener Karpen (Fried Carp)

3 - 3 1/2 lbs. carp fillet
Bread crumbs
2 eggs, beaten
1/4 lb. shortening (not butter)
1 lemon, sliced

Wash fish fillet and cut into serving slices. Sprinkle with salt and let stand for 1 hour. Put bread crumbs, flour, and beaten eggs in three separate dishes. Roll each slice of fish first in flour, then eggs, then bread crumbs. Fry slices on both sides in shortening until golden brown. Arrange slices on a hot platter and garnish with lemon.

Remember that ArnoCorps merchandise always makes a great gift, no matter what you're celebrating. No Christmas would be complete without ArnoCorps. Shop now!

See you in the new year!!!!

Wheel Of Pain Push-Ups

Photos by Neil Jarvie Follow ArnoCorps on Facebook Follow ArnoCorps on Twitter