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June 2012
Olympians NOT Barred From ArnoCorps UK Tour

May 2009
ArnoCorps Signs With Vulcan Sky Records

January 2008
A Wolf in Der Wölf's Clothing

October 2007
Terminated? Copyright Battle

January 2007
Hollywood Invasion

November 2006
Return to San Frantastic

April 2006
UK Tour

January 2006
Pumping in the New Year

October 2005
Museum Plans Unveiled

July 2005
Scratch and Sniffle

May 2005
2nd Annual World's Deadliest Bands

February 2005
Homeward Bound

June 2004
Learned and Shirley

March 2004
Hasta la vista, Halstucha?

January 2004
Austrians vs. Hollywood

December 2003
2003 Holiday Greetings from ArnoCorps!

November 2003
Homecoming King?

October 2003
ArnoCorps Responds to Recall Results

September 2003
Adler Smeared

August 2003
506 Ring Circus

June 2003
Charges Filed Against Toten Adler... Again

April 2003
ArnoCorps To Get Warped

March 2003
The Casualties Of Rock

February 2003
Homeland Security Investigation

December 2002
Christmas Greetings From ArnoCorps

October 2002
Courtroom Becomes Legal Circus

September 2002
Adler Lawsuit Begins Next Week

February 2001
Burnt Ramen Reduced to Ashes

January 2001
Gilman Crowd Conquered









January 2006
Update from the AAP -Associated ArnoCorps Press
Compiled by Mike Calahan

ARNOCORPS IN THE PRESS!
UK and European heroes - be sure to pick up the new issue of Zero Tolerance magazine, which features a two-page spread interview with ArnoCorps! Also check out the January issue of Total Guitar, Europe's #1 selling guitar magazine, which also features a ballsy interview! Go!!!

PUMPING IN THE NEW YEAR
ArnoCorps has always been an ardent supporter of New Year's resolutions. Whether it's a male fan wanting to lose his "booby weight" or someone just wanting to better themselves through education, ArnoCorps will always tell that person to simply go for it, not to put it off any longer...."Do it! Do it now!"

The members of ArnoCorps were each asked if they themselves had any New Year's resolutions and, if so, what they were. The answers went as follows:

Bassist Der Wölf said, "I am hoping to no more growling at the mailman. He is good, not to coming to stealing letters. The red mailing flag on box is signaling to mailman, not a warning to me to... 'look out, here he comes!'

"Also, I will to sleep in my bed, not at foot of Gellend's cot and eat my own dinners at table with the band on my own plate, not eating from Vielmehr's hand.

"Last, also, I will finishing to read of Vladimir Kolotov's Binary and Finite Mathematics & the Space-Time Continuum."

Guitarist Vielmehr Klampfe answered, "I already know what each coming year has in store, I know how history unfolds. All I can do is assist it or try to change it, depending on the particular situation in particular, there. For examples, 2006 will need me to do two very important things: First of alls, I need to help make sure we play a show in May at a specific location because an audience member in the audience will be so inspired, that they will someday go on to make history by proving the existence of the Jager (i.e. Hunter, Predator) of the Bohemian Forest. Secondsly, I need to make sure that I keep Inzo locked inside the HQ on March 22. If I don't, he will meet a woman who is obsessively obsessed with ArnoCorps and, well, push comes to a shovel, there will be a spawn of Inzo's that will terrify generations. It will have barracuda teeth and...(gasp) Inzo's likeness. I shudder at the horrors."

Drummer Gellend Adler said his only resolution for 2006 is... "to create a new giant wheel that you push and for it randomly picks numbers that you have selected priorlously by putting tokens on a board of numbers. If the wheel is pushed and stops on your number, you win some sort of prize for winning. It'll be fantastic! Its a lot like the wheel of pain, except that you can win your choice of pies. Come on, pies!"

Guitarist Inzo der Barrakuda was asked what resolutions he had for himself or for the betterment of the world in which we live to which he answered, "Hmmmm. Light bulbs."

Bassist Toten Adler anxiously said, "Man, this year is gonna be different, let me tell you. I'm gonna not harass any ladies, unless they're wearing a skirt, 'cuz then they're just asking for it, right? Also, I'm gonna try to only be in court no more than seven times in 2006 and, every one of those times I do go, I'm gonna make double goddamn sure that I'm not wearing my toreador pants. Also, instead of paying the money the judge ordered me to pay that woman that I supposedly groped, I'm gonna get one of those Tivo's. That shit's cool. Besides, what's the fun in paying her? What do I get out of that? But, Tivo...I can rewind boobies! Alright!"

Lead vocalist Holzfeuer thought long and hard about the coming year. "Lemme tell you something, I thought 2005 was a great goddamn year over there. We got the album distributions in Europe, we got press in the magazines and the press, fantastic! I’m looking forward to looking ahead to '06 because it's gonna make '05 look like a little baby going, 'Oh, I made doody in my diaper, mommy. Whaa, whaa. I'm just a little year with no feet.' You know what I'm saying? If '06 is going to come on like a gang member with a headband, then '05 will be looking like the Johnny Capone with a hat on his head. Exactly!"

ARNOCORPS MAILBOX
Here at the AAP, we receive a lot of messages from fans. One such e-mail went as follows:

Received 12/27/05
Dear ArnoCorps,
At 243 pounds, I'm figuring out that my diet sucks, so I decided no more cheeseburgers and fried cheese sticks with chili on the side for dipping and extra cheese to sprinkle on top of the chili when I’m done eating it with the cheese sticks and wanna just eat it like chili because sometimes chili is just chili and needs to be eaten so. Only problem is I don't like fruit and I think vegetables taste like crap unless they're fried to hide the taste. What sorta things should I eat to lose some of this weight so that I can start exercising and start putting on some weight?
Signed sincerely,
Dale Dalton
Benchfield, Missouri

This letter was passed along to Holzfeuer who is the dietary planner for the band.

Dear Dale,
Thanks for writing a letter to the mailbox. I'm very busy with the new Tivo and I didn't have time to read your written letter, so I had Toten Adler read it and give me the gyps of it. From what he told me, here is my answer to you....Congratulations on starting a business! I have never heard of your chili, but I will try it if I see it on the shelves at the grocery market.
Stay heroic,
Holzfeuer

*** As always, fanmail is welcomed and encouraged of all fans. If anyone has letters or comments for ArnoCorps, please send them to recon@arnocorps.com

 
Wheel Of Pain Push-Ups

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