spacer

01. Holzfeuer
02. Vielmehr Klampfe
03. Inzo der Barrakuda
04. Erich Nagelbett
05. Karl Dichtschnur
06. Baron von Trotz

Past Members
07. Der Wölf
08. Gellend Adler
09. Toten Adler
10. Halstucha
11. Schlagbolzen


 

border Vielmehr Klampfe
ORIGIN: The Future
SPECIALTY: Hand-to-String Combat
WEAPON: Rapid Fire Gibson
ACTIVE: 2003-Present
EXERCISE: Throwing Boulders
QUOTE: "Are you ready to become goddamn heroes tonight?"


That night, the sky was unusually dark, the storm more violent than anything seen in years. All over the Bay, electrical storms were being reported by concerned citizens, traffic accidents were in abundance. At the ArnoCorps headquarters, however, it was rehearsal as usual. Toten and Gellend argued over using one another's razors to shave certain body parts, while Holzfeuer and twin brother Schlagbolzen played the Austrian board game Schicksal. All the while, guitarist Inzo kept to his usual quiet self, trying to compose a new melody.

Outside, a series of lightning flashes caught the band's attention. Schlagbolzen described it as, "...the windows brightened up like...., like a piece of glass with a big light behind it that was bright...., you could see it through the glass."

The storm seemed concentrated around the secret locale as wind, rain and viciousness increased. Outside the headquarters, transformers blew up under the power of the lightning. Then, something most unexpected happened. Holzfeuer explained, "I was playing my turn in Schicksal. I had just rolled my dices and landed my piece on the family spot and drew the card. It said my fertile wife had three at once kids. As Schlagbolzen laughed, someone pounded on the door."

Inzo unbolted the door to find a man, soaking wet and without clothes. Turning to the others, Inzo grunted, "Naked."

The man was brought inside to warm up. Immediately, the stranger fell to his knees before the ArnoCorps flag that hung on the wall. "Its true, its true," he muttered.

Tearing the flag from off the wall, Toten Adler threw at the stranger to cover himself with. "This ain't no Austrian bath house, you freak!"

"Who are you?" they again asked.

"My name is Vielmehr Klampfe, I'm from the future. No, its true. Please, listen to me. I've come back to warn you."

After an uncomfortable silence, Gellend Adler summoned the courage to ask the one question they were all wondering, but afraid to voice. "Does--does our muscles get soft like marshmallow?"

"No." and a great relief passed through the room.

The man stood, still draped in the symbol of ArnoCorps, and began to pace the room. "Years from now," he began hesitantly, "the government makes it illegal to download music unless through a watchdog corporation. Two men of influence emerge with what they call DeciTech, the only way to legally download music. Soon, DeciTech begins to dictate what can and cannot be downloaded, nothing with profanity, nothing with violent undertones. Then, it happens. The DeciTech main computer takes over, soon machines inherit the earth. The first thing prohibited is music."

"Do we become slaves an' shit?" Toten wondered. "'Cause I ain't diggin' no ditches. Fuck that."

"No. Actually, man is revered by the machines. Their main function is to create a Utopia for man. A Utopia without music." A lightning flash illuminates the man's face, his terror-stricken face. "Believing that music was the root of all evil, the machines only allow Elevatoris Musicai to be heard. Its boring, its calming, there's no message behind it. Don't you see?! The power of Arno, what is best in life, the legends, all of it gone. Its all destroyed by the machines."

Holzfeuer grabbed the man by the shoulders and shook him. "What the hell can we do?!"

"Perform. Perform. Perform or die. Inspire the masses with music, reach their souls. Tell them to download freely. That way, there never will be a DeciTech."

"Where's the DeciTech?" Schlagbolzen screamed.

"Yeah, let's go kick their ass!" the brothers Adler roared.

Vielmehr calmed the band. "It doesn't exist, yet. The creators themselves are two 13-year old boys, right now, downloading music and softcore porn. As long as they can trade music freely, they will not create DeciTech. The future is still unwritten."

"Why the hell should we believe you?" Holzfeuer asked the stranger. "Can you prove you are from no now?"

Walking past Inzo, the man picked up the guitar and began playing a tune. One never heard, yet somehow familiar to the ears of the band. Afterwards, the stranger claimed it to be his favorite ArnoCorps song, not yet recorded. Turning to Inzo, the stranger asked, "Is that the melody you were looking for?"

"Mmmm."

The following day, Schlagbolzen brought to the HQ one of hundreds of flyers he'd seen around town. It featured a photo of Vielmehr Klampfe and said that he was an escapee from the Lakeview Asylum and considered very unstable. Hearing the flyer read, Holzfeuer paused in the middle of his 72nd pushup and said, "Or maybe that is what they just want us to think."

"Who?" Schlagbolzen asked.

"Yes, that's right."

Fearing the possible outcomes if they sent the man away (a musicless future realized or his just going nuts and busting their windows), the band thought it safest to keep him on as additional guitarist. That way, they could keep a closer look on him....or he could keep a close look on them.

 
Wheel Of Pain Push-Ups

Photos by Neil Jarvie Follow ArnoCorps on Facebook Follow ArnoCorps on Twitter