BANG Magazine (UK) , January 2004
Photo Caption: 'You'll be back... In better shape next time': ArnoCorps' Holzfeuer leads a punk rock workout
Six Austro-San Franciscan Punks Expose The Shocking 'Truth' Behind Schwarzenegger's Movies
Given that they elected muscle-bound sleazeball Arnold Schwarzenegger as Governor of California, if would be easy to assume that the majority of the West Coast's inhabitants have gone mad. In which case the six renegade Austrians that make up San Franciscan punk band ArnoCorps could just be the sanest men in the State. Their mission is to reveal the 'truth' behind the movies that made Arnie famous, via fast'n'furious songs with title such as 'Predator', 'Running Man' and 'Commando'.
According to near-incomprehensible singer Holzfeuer (the group's "special grasp of English" is part of their appeal), "Stories passed down around campfires through music back in Austria, Arnold sold to Hollywood. Then even stars in these movies, rubbing salt into the womb!" Bandmate Gellend Adler (who "pushed the wheel of pain in the Austrian mountains to prepare to become the most fantastic drummer to reach your earholes") adds, "We bring to the people centuries-old tales of lore and mythology, like Terminator and True Lies."
ArnoCorps is more than a band for Holzfeuer, his twin Schlagbolzen, Vielmehr Klampfe, Halstucha, and brothers Toten and Gellend Adler, though: it's an action-adventure rock'n'roll way of life. "I came to California and found there were no more heroes in rock," explains Holzfeuer. "There was need for our music and we carry with us much prestige."
Perhaps unsurprisingly, Schwarzenegger's camp don't agree. "We were booked to perform at LA's Terminator 3 premiere but they backed out," says Halstucha. "I think they were worried that the truth would be heard about the origin of the stories that have given him fame and fortune. The power of Arno enables us to be heroic, help those in need, and crush our enemies and to hear the lamentations of the women."
ArnoCorps take their heritage very seriously indeed, and anyone planning to watch them live had better be in shape. The band boast that "many will leave our shows with biceps on inch bigger", and a regular feature of the band's shows to date has been a communal crowd workout session. "Only times this doesn't work is when the people are flabby with asses soft like marshmallow."
You have been warned...